Comic vs comic: Sammy J & Randy

SJ: Randy, take me through the first few minutes of your life. 

R: Warmth, security, tranquility; unease, discomfort, horror; anxiety, shock, pain; fatigue, adaption, breast.

SJ: Global warming: discuss.
R: I left a snow globe on the mantlepiece once and the heat from the fire place below it was so intense that the snowman in the globe melted. True story.

SJ: Do you like your eggs poached or fried?
R: Fried eggs are only acceptable when camping or hungover, whereas poached is an egg for all seasons. So scrambled would be my answer to that.

SJ: What was it like singing backup vocals for Meat Loaf?
R: Incredibly anti-climactic. Although I was chuffed he went with my suggestion for the title of his latest album: Hang Cool Teddy Bear. I used to say that to him when he'd call me asking why I hadn't arrived at the studio yet and who the hell did I think I was to burn his money like the little purple shit ball I am. Good times.

SJ: Any regrets? 
R: Leaving my Captain Planet figurine in a bungalow in Cambodia. 

SJ: What advice would you give to someone trying to start out in comedy who only had three days to live?
R: Take your time.

R: When was it you first realised you were interested in learning the bassoon? 

SJ: Look, I just thought it would be a great way to stop the rain. 

R: What?
SJ: Sorry - I thought you said "burning the monsoon".
 
R: I didn't.
SJ: Point taken.

R: Exfoliate or moisturise?
SJ: One after the other, continue until death.

R: You are the only survivor of the apocalypse, what's the first thing you do?
SJ: Charge my phone.

R: My cousin Louise finds your comedy "grating". How does that make you feel?
SJ: A man once hated the Eiffel Tower so much that he dined underneath it everyday, since it was the only place in Paris he couldn't see it from. Consequently, I'm the only person in the world who will never have to suffer through one of my arse-bleedingly grating routines, and it feels awesome. 

R: What's your most embarrassing elbow story?
SJ: The one where the penis gets stuck.

R: If you were stuck on a desert island and you could only take one thing with you, could I have the rest of your stuff?
SJ: It would be my pleasure.