Knightmare on Memory Lane

At last year’s Edinburgh Fringe, a mix of set design, comedy and a strong sense of nostalgia for the late 80s/early 90s TV show on which it is based made sure Knightmare Live was the talk of the festival. Placing members of the general public and comedians in the position of the show's terrified children (one putting on the helmet and knapsack, the others guiding from beside dungeon master Treguard). Pointing out the absurdities of this childhood curio, but with a deep love of the original shown in the attention to detail of the set (though not the chroma key Doom-style progenitor of the original), Knightmare showed people are still willing to step into the unknown – or at least watch someone who doesn't know their right from left go into life or death situations. After successful stints at London’s Bloomsbury Theatre and Brighton Comedy Festival, Knightmare Live is now touring the nation and will be welcoming watchers of illusion to The Lowry in June. With the success of this revamp we thought we’d cast a slightly cynical eye over the wealth of high concept kids TV gameshows that are ripe for a rebirth.

Finders Keepers (1991-96)

Running on CITV in the early 90s, this super fun quiz saw kids introduce themselves by horribly delivering pre-written jokes that made little sense to a doyen of children’s TV presenting, before answering really easy questions to buy themselves time to search through someone’s house to find prizes up to and including a Walkman. Finders Keepers was somehow not Fun House, even though it was exactly the same in almost every way – even the channel – but where Pat Sharp’s stratospheric hair helmet was the binding factor of Fun House, Finders Keepers had the more acceptably hirsute presence of everyone’s favourite art teacher Neil Buchanan.

The reason this show would be a better bet for recreating at the Fringe is one of health and safety. One hyphenated word stands in the way of a live Fun House: go-karts, a logistical nightmare no venue in their right mind would allow. Plus FK was just a regular house that you had to ransack, whereas FH’s (even their abbreviations are barely indistinguishable!) titular set was filled with balls and netting that amount to a risk assessor’s wet dream. Later series of FK also had celebrities hiding in the house somewhere, such as Frank Bruno or the twins that Paul from Neighbours harassed/married. Times are tight for ex-celebrities, so perhaps the time is right for them to re-announce themselves. In a kids show. At the Edinburgh Fringe.

Gamesmaster (1992-98)

The death of Patrick Moore sent monocle sales plummeting and left a huge power vacuum where the once great Gamesmaster’s disembodied head used to hover above pre-pubescent gamers aiming for bragging rights that make up for their lack of social skills. It’s up to someone, anyone, to claim the title. Computer games are all pervasive now, with the bigger tiles more popular than most films, television and human interactions. So what better way to celebrate the virtual world than with a poorly put together stage production? It’s what Patrick would have wanted, and Dominik Diamond would surely love to jump back into his role as chaperone to a bunch of adolescents staring at screens. And monocles are crying out to be adopted by ironic hipster doofuses.

Get Your Own Back (1991-2003)

A simple premise boomed out by ‘King of the Gurners’ Dave Benson Phillips, where you got to pour gunge on your brother/parent/creepy uncle for nicking your toys/grounding you/force-feeding you gherkins. The gunge supplies in this country must have been running low in the early-90s: while Noel Edmonds was building a shaky career on top of a gunge mountain on primetime TV, Dave Benson Phillips was using gallons of the green viscous stuff to really teach those adults a lesson they wouldn't soon forget, or be able to get out of their matted hair. Long overdue a comeback, what better way to get DBP back in front of an audience than by punishing humans for being unreasonable by drenching them in green slime? He’d no doubt be up for it. Give Benson Phillips enough money and he’ll more than likely come round to your house for a live event that will cost less than the clean-up crew you’ll need afterwards. In fact, we’re off to book him for the next Skinny party.