The Dullest Blog: comedy ramblings to inspire the most tedious minute of your week

Recently my gran celebrated her birthday. I made her a homemade birthday card, presuming that the personal investment in the endeavour would warm her ancient, knackered heart.

She asked me if I made it on Moonpig.com.

The birthday in question was her 81st. What took me aback more than her lack of warmth towards my gesture was in fact her knowledge of the website in question, and the service it provides. “What’s next?” I thought, “Is she going to ask me if I Twitter often?”

When my gran was born, a mouse pad was something you would find on the bottom of a rodent’s foot. A superhighway was something they built in America to accommodate the increasing numbers of a new fangled invention called the motor car. When she was my age, even those giant calculators that you could hold upside down and write ‘boobs’ on were decades away.

So how did we get to this? Where a woman who was born in the same year as Shirley Temple is questioning me on a popular website?

As far as I’m aware, my gran is not online (I hope not….she might read this), but it wouldn’t be too surprising if she was. Such is the all pervading power of the ‘net in our decrepit modern world.

When Jay in the movie Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back asks “what the f**k is the internet?” it’s funny because the very idea that someone could be unaware of the information superhighway’s existence is so absurd. It's become such an intrinsic part of our lives that its hard to imagine a time when you had to traipse down to your local Global Video or Blockbuster to rent DVDs, instead of sitting on your bahookie with a Domino’s and ordering them on Lovefilm.com or the like.

I think the catalyst for such rumination is a memory I have of submitting an essay in university, based on the rise of the internet in everyday use, and how it would change the way people do business forever. This was in 1995, or the year of my gran’s 67th birthday, if you like. My tutor at the time gave me a very poor mark, claiming that the internet “is a minority sport.” I was disappointed, and not a little annoyed, as I felt my prediction was very much on the button.

That’s one in the eye for him, then. Seems I was right after all. It has changed us - forever.

Just ask my gran. But don’t bother making her a birthday card. She won’t thank you for it.

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