Top Joe: Comedy Spotlight

If you've ever been to a comedy gig in Liverpool then you might have already spotted Top Joe. Maybe not on stage, but around and about: his evergreen (well, everyellow) hi-vis coat, mad scientist thatch and matching wild-eyed stare are pretty hard to miss. But if you’ve happened along to any of Gav Cross’s Funny Looking gigs then you'll know him all too well: there, Top has become somewhat of an unofficial mascot/petty felon. In the handful of shows so far he has caused a fire evacuation of Funny Looking's home at 81 Renshaw Street, created a piñata effigy of Cross at the recent Sam Fletcher gig and gotten kicked out for commandeering the kitchen when Arthur Smith appeared to cook some beans. Expect the unexpected from this strange and wonderful gentleman. And liar.

First gig:

A private party for James Dyson, inventor of the vacuum cleaner. Technically it was an after-dinner speech but midway through I decided to recreate a Buddhist almsgiving ceremony using some Berocca. I can’t remember why.

Best gig:

Jimmy Wintle’s surprise birthday party down at the River Itchen seven years ago. I turned up far too late, at 3am, and missed the nucleus of the party. I was alone, but I took the time to reacquaint myself with nature and the periphery. I spent two hours listening to the water and trying to readjust my eyes. I spent the final three hours trying to encourage a vole to eat some buffalo mozzarella on sliced tomatoes with basil.

Worst gig:

A Vipassana meditation retreat in Castlehead. I had some trouble adjusting to the vow of silence and butted heads a few times with Zen master Suzuki Roshi. At one point I might have called him an imposter, as I’d gotten a bit freer with my mind by that point. The food was substandard for a retreat and I lived off Lotus Biscoff coffee biscuits for the remaining ten days.

Circuit favourites in the Northwest:

Jimmy Wintle, Ken Dodd, Christopher Maloney, Liam Pickford, Gav Cross, Sean Morley, Bill Stanner, Danny Finders Fee, Adam Young, Isham R Redford (barrister-at-law).

Favourite venue:

St James’ Cemetery, Liverpool. It is on the periphery of the city and also equidistant between Quick Chef [in the city centre] and Kevin’s Fish and Chips in the Dingle. It’s quiet and gives you space to think, in tune with the nocturnal community.

Best heckle:

I heard someone say that Gav Cross was fat, and I thought that was really clever. I think a heckle is an opportunity to open dialogue; last week I entered into a fascinating conversation with a man after trying to get his child to eat as many mint Matchmakers as he could in one minute.

If you could be haunted by anyone, who would it be and why?

Dave Lazenby. I would ask him why he sold me a slow cooker that didn’t work.

If you were on death row, what would your last meal be? And why are you on death row?

My last meal would be buffalo mozzarella and sliced tomatoes in olive oil with basil leaves in a Pyrex dish. I would be on death row for the accidental death of Gav Cross.

What’s the largest animal you think you could beat in a fight? No weapons.

We should never be antagonistic in this life. Animals are our friends and compatriots. But it would be a sperm whale.

Question from past Spotlighters Foxdog Studios: What’s your favourite chore and how have you optimised its execution?

My favourite chore is burning things using flammables, accelerants and combustibles. It’s a chore that no one wants to do but I find it quite therapeutic once I get started.

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More from Comedy Spotlight:

 "This engine runs on party" – meet Eleanor Morton

 Rachel Jackson: proud owner of a box of souls

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Top Joe appears as part of Funny Looking Presents: Michael J Dolan, 81 Renshaw Street, Liverpool, 7 Apr

@toptopjoe