Scott Gibson: Comedy Spotlight

Movies like Requiem for a Dream and Weekend at Bernie's have taught us that death is a serious business. Obviously the Bernie Lomax route would be fun right up until the point where rigor mortis made all the water skiing and limbo dancing impossible. Having come so close to the eternal embrace of the Grim Reaper yourself, have you given much thought to the meaning of life?

"Well it’s difficult not to look at life differently after going though what I went through, and more directly looking at your own life. I don’t know if I have given much thought to the meaning of life, but certainly what I want to do with my life. I suppose that’s the main reason why I started comedy. Well, I know it is. The old saying of 'life is too short' really is the case, and it’s sad that it takes something so serious to make you realise that. But in a strange way, if it wasn’t for the operation, I don't know if I would ever have had the guts to finally go for it."

The spongy, zombie-attracting organ in our heads forms the jumble sale of who we are. It also allows us to perform spectacular feats of expression, imagination and creativity while also indicating exactly how terrified of wolfmen we should be. If your brain were withdrawn from your head and transplanted into an animal by Dennis Quaid, which animal would you choose and why?

"Wow, I had no idea where you were going with the start of that question – finally pulls back to the old classic: 'what animal are you?' If I had to choose an animal I’d say a bear. Not a grizzly or a polar bear, nothing fancy. Just an easygoing, cheeky wee bear. Or a hippo. I like their wee tails, and also their milk is pink. That would be exciting, to have pink milk."

By NHS standards, there's probably going to be a bit of a queue between cutting our heads open and stuffing our brains inside ocelots. Your brain and consciousness is most likely to spend some time in a jar. Do you have a preference as to where we should leave you pickled?

"Does it have to be a jar? Could it be a tank in an art gallery, like some kind of weird Turner Prize? Or if it is a jar, let's go for a shelf in a comedy club, so at least I’ll have a laugh in the jar. Or a strip club. Or let's put a wee note in the jar with me, of what to do with my brain when found, then fling me in the sea and see where I wash up."

What should we do with your body once you've been transplanted into an animal? Do you have a plan for your slowly decaying earthly vessel?

"I hope you will have the guts to do the right thing in that difficult situation and burn my remains. We’ve already touched on the pending zombie situation. Do the right thing: burn the remains of your loved ones, burn their dead soulless bodies."

Medicine has come a long way from blood letting and we may be looking forward to a future of Star Trek-style tricorders and teams of miniature scientists removing our tonsils via a bathtime submarine. But not everyone is happy about these breakthroughs. For example, religious groups have raised objection to stem cell research in relation to curing cancer and Alzheimer's. Where should medical science draw the line?

"I think we need to toughen up when it comes to science and medicine. We survey the population and they are either on board or not. If you are Team Science, then welcome to stem cell research, blood transfusions, fake boobs, nipple removal, pain killers, and everything else from soft insoles for your trainers to stay-fresh bread. If, however, you are Team Religion then good luck, none of the good stuff for you. Are you sick? Well go Google it... oh that's right, no Google for you. Go to the butcher and see if he can saw your leg off for you."

Would you ever consider having your consciousness uploaded into a computer, and if so, exactly when should we expect you to infiltrate the nuclear weapon launch codes?

"That would possibly be the worst idea anyone has ever suggested. I imagine if any man over the age of 18 had his consciousness uploaded to a computer, that computer would form artificial intelligence 1000 times more powerful than SkyNet, take over world stock markets, beam British MILF porn directly into the living rooms of people's homes, turn every traffic light to green, close the Thames barrier, launch Trident, shut down your iTunes account, order your next door neighbour a Nazi uniform from Amazon and recommend strange Scandinavian rom-coms to your mates from Netflix. That would be a bad idea, the horror that would ensue from my uploaded consciousness would be far worse than a nuclear launch, far worse."

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Scott Gibson: Life After Death plays at The Scottish Storytelling Centre, Edinburgh, 2 Oct, 8pm, £10/8 and The Byre Theatre, St Andrews, 3 Oct, 8pm, £12/10