Brendon Burns: Comedy Spotlight
Brendon Burns is known for his taboo-busting stand-up, having won the Edinburgh Comedy Award's Main Prize in 2007. Before his arrival at the Glasgow International Comedy Festival he agreed to an interview with Fringe Dog.
hallo brendon ! you are renaissance man of many talents ,but you especialy fond of wrestling ! if i was wrestler i would be called “tornado terrier” and my catchphrase would be “i am going to collar you !! ” if you were wrestler ,what would your name and catchphrase be ??
"Good dog, Fringe Dog. Well done on growing so big. You’re a very good dog, yes you are. You’re the best. And that’s a great catchphrase. *Scratches under chin* Yes it is.
"My wrestler name would be (and is) Brendon 'The Brain' Burns. My catchphrase would be (and is) 'No! You are!' in response to anything yelled at me, whether it be negative or positive."
i saw you at the wrestling in edimbrugh last year being very bad man ,and dealing some sick burns (that is pun on your name) to co-host mr andrew maxwell !! are you a bad man in real life ,and is andrew scared of you ??
"'Real' life is actually fake. So yes, in fake life I am lovely.
"Andrew is actually only 3' 2" in real life and is scared of everything from large cats to sewer grates with a rod missing."
you are from australia ,land of many scary animals ,so you must have diced with death many many times !! what is most dangerous animal you have ever cuddled ??
"A giraffe and she was hot. Long lashes like the female in The Lion King just before they were about to do it."
i hear you have strong opinions about comedy clubs in the united kingdom . i have writen several very experimental one-dog-shows that i took to edimbrugh , do you think i would be a good fit for mainstream uk comedy clubs ??
"Yes, try them in a mainstream comedy club first. Then get rid of everything that gets an applause break, because that usually means it’s confirming what the audience already thought."
do you have a dog ,and if so ,what is his/her profession ?? i am a journalist .
"I don’t have a dog, I have a three-legged cat. As I live on a farm and he is free to roam, his main occupation seems to be murdering for the fun of it. He is one murderous fucker. Also, that’s what cats are born to do. You know all those funny videos of cats doing weird shit on the internet? That’s because they can’t go outside and they are clinically insane. Mine goes outside all the time and he does fuck all funny shit, because he hasn’t been driven utterly mental by claustrophobia."
i strive to be an incisive journalist and interviewer ( some people have nicknamed me “werner herz-dog” ), i try to get beneath surface of all my subjects and uncover big truths hiden within . if you were a crisp flavour ,what crisp flavour would you be ??
"Sorry Fringe Dog, but that wacky question has actually been around for a while now. It’s actually not all that leftfield. It’s like when you go to alt rooms and a kid says 'unicorn' or 'ninja' and the kids go nuts. Interestingly enough these things sit dormant in some sort of zeitgeist holding cell and come back every eight years or so.
"But with everyone being online all the time that cycle is getting smaller and smaller, and what many think is imaginative is actually regurgitation. As we are all absorbing so much content constantly, both passively and willingly, we are naturally, unconsciously becoming less and less original thinkers.
"That’s why every year I go home to Australia to refuel my mind, to drive long roads and get away from cellular technology and the internet in general. In the outback is where I’ve come up with every good idea I’ve ever had. So Fringe Dog, don’t go with your first idea. Your first idea sucks and it will inevitably be someone else’s. See the world, unplug and live your life. Free your mind, swim naked and live under the stars.
"Which I guess in a way is me saying 'barbecue, obviously.'"
finaly ,if you were kind enough to let me sniff you ,what would you smell of ??
"Right now? Farts, sleep and half a can of sugar-free Monster Energy Drink."
More from our Comedy Spotlight:
Amy Gledhill on moving to Manchester and fighting whales
Bank heists and drunk calls: Grassroots Comedy's Pedro Leandro
Follow Brendon Burns and Fringe Dog on Twitter.
Brendon Burns plays The Stand, Glasgow, 14 Mar, 8:30pm, £10/£8.
He headlines the line-up at The Stand, Edinburgh on 17 & 18 Mar.