Simon Morley on society’s problem with his penis

Kicking off your pants to entertain your friends is not such a strange concept in Australia. Our sporting culture coupled with a love of beer, and a suitably warm climate, means most young men have attempted a few 'installations' in the showers after a game, or on a late night bender. While simply whopping your junk out at someone is frowned upon and probably illegal, with a few twists and turns you can create a Hamburger – which is guaranteed to earn you a round of applause and a huge belly laugh.

I decided to package up this foolish behavior into the theatrical juggernaut that is Puppetry of the Penis, a collection of 'dick tricks' presented by two near naked men (they wear shoes) in an old school vaudeville act.

When we launched the show in 2000 at the Edinburgh Fringe, I think we were seen to be tackling the last bastion. I mean, where does one go after this? Laughing at a man’s genitalia was taboo, and us projecting our meat and two veg three stories high onto a video screen for all to laugh at was both shocking and liberating. We were quickly snapped up for a West End run and became media darlings, appearing on prime time TV shows – although our audiences were predominantly female, the UK had officially embraced the Penis.

We set our sights on the big prize – North America – knowing it was going to be no easy task. A theatre on New York’s 42nd Street was secured, and our marketing machine went into overdrive with huge billboards all over Manhattan saying 'THE PENISES ARE COMING!' We had great success in New York and the show ran for nearly two years, but the rest of America wasn’t going to be that liberal.

From Australia’s relaxed attitude to the male member, to the UK’s nudge-nudge-wink-wink acceptance, on leaving New York we hit up against a very American prudishness. Invited to do a spot on Californian breakfast TV, the planned segment went awry when my partner’s demonstration of the 'Eiffel Tower' was accidently broadcast across countless breakfast tables at 8.15am. The station went to black, and was pulled off the air. A huge media storm ensued, threatening a planned appearance on The Tonight Show as NBC executives pressurised Jay Leno to drop us. To his credit, he did the opposite, instead trailing us heavily with countless jokes.

But a month later, a second televised mishap made America lose its mind: 'Nipplegate', in which Justin Timberlake revealed Janet Jackson’s breast during a Super Bowl performance. While you could tune in and watch then-Governor of California Arnold Schwarzenegger shoot hundreds of people in a movie, the thing that feeds our children tipped them over the edge. With two cases in such proximity, fines for indecency in broadcasting went from $30,000 to over $500,000. Instantly, all of the TV networks saw us as too risky, radio stations decided to play it safe, and major dailies refused to take our advertising. We were shut out upon reaching our peak.

So we focused on Europe. We found our humour crossed language barriers, and playing to a much more liberal and relaxed crowd was a pleasure.

As society becomes more open and liberal, male nudity somehow remains taboo. We still tour a lot of the world successfully, but there are no more TV appearances – in fact I can’t even find a regional radio station or a local newspaper in the UK who are prepared to say the word “PENIS”. Say it loud and say it proud. PENIS! PENIS! PENIS!

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Simon Morley: Naked Ambition, Heroes at Monkey Barrel (Headroom), 4-27 Aug, 3:40pm, £8/PWYW