Erotic Explorers
Intrigued by BDSM but unsure where to begin? Fret not, you kinky ragamuffin - Matthew Bobbu is here to enlighten us all on everything from munches to mantras, anal to zentai.
If you were introduced to BDSM recently, it could well have been through a really awful example of what kink can be. Fifty Shades of Grey, for example, is potentially one of the worst representations of kinky in existence.
This begs the question – how can those intrigued by BDSM get involved without things getting fifty shades of rape-culture? Well, there are a few good places to start…
The internet
If you're looking to explore the world of kink, Fetlife.com is an ideal springboard. Hidden from Google and anyone who doesn't have an account, it’s a front-runner for the kink community. It contains multitudes of groups discussing interests from anal sex to zentai, with events listings, photos and writings on varied topics. It also has incredibly inclusive profile settings, allowing people to specify across the gender spectrum, and display all kinds of relationships with multiple people. If you’re interested in BDSM then there will be somewhere on Fetlife where you feel comfortable.
Over a drink
If you’ve explored online, chatted with interesting folks and discovered new things about yourself too, you may want to meet some fellow kinksters. Rather than meeting a virtual stranger in private, you should probably find a local munch - a social for kinky people, usually in a pub or cafe. Being casual events where people go to catch up with friends and meet new ones, you don't have to worry about clothing or unusual customs. Most attendees are happy to help newbies. Some areas even have numerous munches - for example, the Manchester Munch, an under-35s event (great for young ’uns new to kink), and Midweek Munch (various cities). If you’re willing to travel a bit, you will find a munch that suits you.
The market
Buying online cannot compare to feeling your toys before you use them. Luckily, there are events all around the country where you can buy sexy playthings, from whips and latex to vibrators and blindfolds. The Birmingham Bizarre Bazaar (BBB) is the UK's biggest market event, though there are others too. Many offer demonstrations, and sometimes even places where you can play with your new toys.
The club
BDSM clubs are often regarded as sleazy venues full of creepers, but in reality there exist a wide variety of clubs, catering to all kinds of clientele. London's Antichrist is one of the biggest events, host to debauchery of many flavours. Whether you want to dance, whip someone, get tied up, or dress sexy and chat, club nights can provide that in fine company and style.
And finally - stay 'SSC'
Most people you meet in the kink community will be respectful, following the mantra of 'Safe, Sane and Consensual'. It’s important that preferences are negotiated and boundaries are respected. Unfortunately, however, both inside and outside the kink community, there will always be those looking to cater to their own interests at the expense of another person. So play safe, have fun… and maybe give those Mr. Grey figures a miss if you come across ‘em.